Poem

“Overbearing Panic Attack entrenching my veins.”

     I get panic attacks every now and then. Usually because I’m scared about my future. I’m just worried about classes actually, and friends. I don’t have a ton of friends in my area. All my real friends are online or at college. I lost a lot of friends because of this disease. My brother has been a huge support.

“In an hour I’ll be ok.”

      I’ll probably forget about this tomorrow or something. I am consuming alcohol while writing this. Somehow I want this Lupus thing to be a dream. I don’t want to believe that this is my reality. I guess you could say I’m pretty freaked out.

“I pray this pain will go away permanently someday.”

      That’s what I want. I want the pain to just go away. Today we were supposed to climb a mountain. But the direct trail was snowed in. And I felt sick. There were cold sores in my mouth and I felt so tired. I just wanted to collapse onto my bed and sleep forever.

“I’ve seen more than I should have to...”

I really have. I’ve flirted with death because of this disorder. Because I couldn’t deal with the results, because I was frustrated with my doctors. Just...because...

     I *saw* people with my illness drop like flies. And it scared me...I wonder...am I going to die too?

“I’ve seen this on my own...”

      I have...I have a good family and good friends. But I was dealing with this horrible disease on my own. And sometimes...I can’t cope very well.

“This song is a poem to myself, it helps me to live...”

      Yes it does...amen... Thank you taproot for making this song so that I can talk about my feelings and frustrations about Lupus! I have a lot of anger inside of me because of this horrible disease. But it’s so nice to have a song that you can relate to!

“In case of fire, break the glass, and move on into your own...”

      My whole life feels like it’s on fire. It burns to the crisp and I just watch it all fade away.

“Recurring drowning effect entrenching my brain...”

      All this stress makes me feel like I’m drowning... I can’t deal and it’s hard to just be...

“I hope you’ll be ok someday.”

      Layla, I hope you will be ok one day...I love you and miss you so very much. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend.